Retreat

My daughter just took a big step towards independence with her severe allergies. She has decided to go on a two-day church retreat with her friends. This is a very big step for her because she has never been on a retreat or to a camp in her 14 years. She is going to be off on her own for the weekend—in charge and in control of her own allergy problems.

At first, it was just easy to sign up for day camps and not worry about her going away and how we are going to make sure she is safe with all her allergies. This was fine when she was young but as she has gotten older, she has sat back and watched as all her friends have gone off to one camp or another. She has been patient when they talked about the fun activities they did or the cool new friends they have met.

A couple years ago I started talking to her about finding a camp for her to go to. How about going to a special camp for kids with allergies? No! What about going with a good friend to this camp? No! How about we find a camp where I can work while you are there? Absolutely Not! I don’t blame her I wouldn't want my Mom there either! Still, it seemed quite daunting for both of us!

I think part of the reason she didn't want to go was that she was nervous about what she could or could not eat. Can you imagine watching your friends laughing and telling animated stories at the camp table as they are gobble down their food not even caring about what they are eating? Instead, she is wondered if that same food, someone else had made, would give her a reaction. Or more likely, what on the menu besides fruit, could she even eat?

Our daughter’s list of severe allergies is so extensive, (dairy, eggs, peanuts, all nuts and sesame) that we couldn't even imagine what she would be able to eat even if she was to go. As far as I remember, the “Camp” fare usually comprised of eggs, french toast or muffins for breakfast, and pizza, mac-n-cheese or peanut butter sandwiches for lunch or dinner.

So when her friend asked her to go on a Church retreat and she said yes, I was very excited but also a bit concerned. This was a big step for her and for me. I tried to keep the enthusiasm in my voice as I told her that I thought it was a good idea but I would have to look into the food accommodations. That’s when her face fell. For the first time, she had felt like a normal teenager and hadn't even thought about her allergies getting in the way.

I talked to the Church organization and they were very excited to have her come. We talked about the food they would be serving during those two days. As I thought, there wasn't much she would be able to eat but I didn't want that to stop her from going, so we talked about allowing her to bring her own food. I was very pleased when they seemed receptive to the idea, but was disappointed when my daughter who had been full of jubilance about the trip, told me she didn't want to go anymore.

After a few days, we talked about it again. The reality is that she needs to start taking bigger steps towards allergy independence; after all, she will be going away to college in four short years. Another objection she brought to my attention was that people would know she was different and she would be embarrassed, all because of her allergies. At this stage in her life this was very important to her. According to FARE, 1 in 13 children are diagnosed with a food allergy, so there are a lot of kids out there who may also be struggling with the same issues. We found out that two other kids will be bringing their own food for the trip. That seemed to boost her confidence enough that she once again decided the trip would be a lot of fun.

We also talked about how it isn't bad to be different and that as you get older, you realize that having food allergies doesn't make you unusual, it makes you unique. So my advice to her was to embrace what makes her special and to let others know she is okay with being different.

It’s retreat time!